When other people’s languages expectations (& our own) don’t match your progress, it sucks. Here’s why language expectations are bringing down your languages.

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Why You Deserve Better Than Other People’s Language Expectations

Perfectionism

First up, if you struggle with perfectionism, you’re likely to feel the pull of expectations more than others.
The expectation that you’ll have a ‘perfect’ streak on the app can derail you for weeks when you accidentally skip a day.

The expectation that you’ll study for hours each day can leave you feeling like a failure when you just don’t have time.

And the expectation you’ll pick up the language quickly and easily has you reeling when after a few weeks, you’re not fluent.

A tendency for perfectionism typically leads us to having high expectations, that are rarely met because you have such high standards as a perfectionist.

If this rings true for you, you need to join me at Grace & Space.

Unrealistic Timelines

Perfectionist or not, another common reason for expectations not lining up with the reality of our progress is the presence of unrealistic timelines.

We overestimate how much language we can learn in a matter of weeks. Perhaps because we saw a YouTube video claiming it to have been true for someone else, but forgetting to acknowledge the realities of the countless other things we’ve got going on right now.

It’s so common. And it existed before YouTube clickbait too! I’ve got an old Spanish book on my shelf called ‘Hugo’s Spanish Self-Tuition Course in Three Months (Without a Master). And that series was first introduced around 1890.

The thing is, yes, you can learn a decent amount of language in a seemingly short amount of time, but the amount of language will depend on how much time you have to learn within that time period.

You could do 5 minutes or 5 hours a day for 6 weeks. Both will likely have different results by the end of the 6 weeks.

Deadlines and timelines are great motivators, but just be sure to balance your expectations.

Comparison

They say comparison is the thief of joy and it could not be more true.

Again, with YouTube and social media, and just observing and knowing other people learning the language, you’re bound to fall victim to comparison from time to time.

When you meet someone who’s been learning for half the time you have but you perceive them to be twice as fluent, it’s down-heartening.

But ‘perceive’ is the optimum word there.

These judgements are typically quick and not made after seeing someone’s full process.

You don’t see the countless mistakes they made during hours of study, you just see the end result and think they mastered that conversation better than you.

And besides, no two experiences of language learning are ever the same. Comparison is a fruitless task.

For everyone you observe and compare yourself negatively to, someone else is likely observing you the same way.

Ignoring Small Wins

When your expectations are high, your focus tends to be on those big wins.

The ‘You-Did-It-You’re-Now-Fluent!’ wins, and not the ‘You-Mastered-That-One-Tricky-Pronunciation-You’re-Now-Closer-To-Being-Fluent!’ wins.

However, when we do this, when we ignore the small wins, our expectations feel unmet for longer. This demotivates us, and we either lose steam (and our expectations get further from us) or we stop all together.

Burnout

Especially if you’re prone to perfectionism, your high expectations may lead to overworking and as a result, burnout.

Besides, overworking yourself with overly intensive study sessions without adequate breaks can exhaust you, making it harder to retain information.

And naturally when we burnout, we lose motivation, our progress slows down or stops altogether.

Lack of Patience

The expectation that you’ll understand and be ready to speak fluently almost instantly really doesn’t serve you well.

Expecting too much too soon can lead to a lack of patience, something that all successful language learners know is essential.

Language learning is something that can build a strong sense of patience as a side effect, no bad thing at all.

Fixed Mindset

This one is interesting, because it’s not necessarily about having high expectations, but low ones.

Carol Dweck developed the concept of Growth Mindset, and as a contrast Fixed Mindset.

Here’s a brief example to show the difference.

Let’s say you fail a test.

A Growth Mindset response would be something like “Ok, this is great because it shows me where I need to focus on improving.”.

Whereas a Fixed Mindset may be more like “Well, that’s proof that I can’t do this.”

If your expectations are aligned with a fixed mindset, perhaps believing that your language ability is innate and cannot be improved through effort, this can limit your progress.

A growth mindset, which embraces learning through practice and mistakes, is essential for success.

Neglecting Fundamentals

Sometimes when our expectations are too high, there’s a tendency to skip ahead. We think we should be at a certain level by now so we jump to that advanced level, and in the process…skip some of the fundamentals.

This creates gaps in your knowledge which aren’t inherently a bad thing – it’s something that does typically happen anyway.

But if you’re constantly chasing the next thing because your expectations are leading you, then you’re missing out on the chance to fill those gaps.

Inflexible Goals

If your expectations are timebound, then your goals can end up a little rigid sometimes.

Something that can lead to the neglected fundamentals we just discussed because you feel under constant pressure to keep moving forward.

Again, this leads to gaps in your knowledge, and even a general resentment towards the language because things aren’t aligning with your expectations and going as well as you’d hoped.

Rigid goals that don’t account for life’s unpredictability can be discouraging. Flexibility allows you to adapt your learning process to your current situation.

Pressure and Stress

All of these things can lead to pressure and stress. And, you know, that doesn’t make for an overly productive learning frame of mind.

When we’re pressured, we move on too fast and skip stuff.

When we’re stressed, we’re not remembering or learning at our best.

Lack of Enjoyment

And finally, a lack of enjoyment.

When expectations are too high, learning can feel like a chore rather than an enjoyable activity. Enjoying the process is crucial for sustained motivation and progress.

You know what I say by now, right? Successful language learning is always functional, flexible and fun.

If we just focus on the functional because of our expectations, we won’t last long. You have to make sure you’re enjoying what you do too.

Join me at Grace & Space

At this year’s Grace & Space event, I’m teaching a whole session on this topic.

It’s called How to Move Past the Expectations of Others & Create Your Own.

And that’s just one piece of what you get with your Grace & Space ticket.

Our topics this year are Expectations, Shame, Distractions & Seasons. You get a brand new session for each topic.

As well as that, you also get a week of Open Group Support Chat in Voxer with me, Lindsay.

This is a chance to ask your questions, learn from others & get the answers and support you need to go back to your languages with a renewed feeling of motivation, not stress. (The amount of times I’ve left a language event feeling overwhelmed and like I’m not good enough is too many! This is not that!)

Grace & Space is an annual event that I host online for language learners who want to learn languages better but don’t like the hustle of the hacks.

It’s your chance to take a moment to pause, reassess, and step back into better language learning, but with a fresh sense of self-compassion and support that will actually help you rather than stress you out.

To make things more flexible than ever for you, the sessions at this year’s Grace & Space aren’t live, so no worries about time zone translations and staying up late or getting up early.

Instead, you get access to all the Grace & Space sessions at once as well as the asynchronous Open Group Support Chat via Voxer for a whole week.

Grace & Space tickets cost just $35 USD and are available right now.