The role of shame in language learning isn’t something we always like to talk about. But we should. Here’s 7 ways shame affects language learners.

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7 Powerful Ways Shame Shows Up To Stop Language Learners

What shame is

Shame is one of those emotions that we don’t talk about a lot.

We all have it (unless we lack capacity for empathy), and yet we don’t like to open up and be vulnerable about it. But when we talk about it, we take away the control that shame has over us.

So what is it?

First up, in the words of Dr Brené Brown, a masterful shame researcher, shame = I am bad vs guilt = I did something bad.

From that alone we can see the difference between shame and guilt and how it becomes something bigger and encompassing if we let it.

If we add embarrassment into the mix, we might distinguish the two as shame being a feeling of defectiveness of our core, permanent self and embarrassment being that defectiveness feeling in reference to our current self.

For example, we might be embarrassed in one particular speaking situation because we mess up a word or forget the language entirely.

On the other hand, we might feel shame on a more consistent basis. We are ashamed that we aren’t fluent yet, and we feel that all the time.

Shame isn’t exactly an emotion that can lead to positive change. So it doesn’t advance our language skills, doesn’t help us feel more confident when we speak, and doesn’t serve us well.

What causes shame in language learning?

According to a study on the role of shame in language learning, sources of language shame fall into 2 categories: learner internal factors and external factors. Perhaps there’ll be some sources here you identify with more than others.

First up, the internal factors.

Personality characteristics.

So if you’re typically prone to shame and it features as more of a personality trait than a temporary emotion for you, you may be constantly on the lookout for potential sources of shame in language learning.

For example, if you sign up for a language evening class and the vibe in the first couple of sessions feels very judgey, you may simply stop going to avoid the risk of feeling ashamed when you open your mouth to speak.

Pronunciation and accent-related issues.

This one breaks my heart because I wish we all had more empathy, kindness and patience when it comes to different accents and pronunciation and I know it’s not a simple fix.

Accent bias is so engrained at a broad society level that it’s not easy to ignore or deny.

Poor vocabulary and grammatical inaccuracy.

It might seem like all we need to do here is ‘learn more words! Study harder! Do the grammar drills!’.

If it was that simple of an answer, we’d have done it by now. So it’s an easy shame source to spiral with. Because we tell ourselves that we haven’t done enough, we should have learnt more words, studied harder, and done the grammar drills.

But just mind-numbingly attempting to ‘drill’ a language into our head doesn’t work. It takes more kindness and consideration.

So no, it’s not your fault. None of this is. That’s just shame talking.

Failure to produce a positive image of oneself in others’ minds.

When we express ourselves in another language that we’re learning, it’s vulnerable and we’re likely not able to express ourselves as fully (yet) as we can in our mother tongue(s).

So we feel shame that we came across badly, or weird, or like a child who can’t find the words.

“What will they think of me?” can be a huge source of shame in language learning.

Fear of failure.

You know I love me some language mistakes.

But you probably also know it’s not always easy to make them and still feel comfortable and confident about your language skills.

That’s a fear of failure talking.

And when we feel a fear of failure, it’s easier and safer not to try. So we avoid attempting to use the language, avoid making mistakes, and instead let shame guide us.

And as for those learner external factors, there’s just two listed in the study.

Corrective feedback, assessment and treatment of errors.

When I was teaching English, French, and Spanish, I’d always have a few questions lined up for our first session together.

One of them (and arguably the most important one) was this: how do you like to be corrected?

Do you want me to interrupt and correct every tiny mistake?

Would you prefer I ignore the little errors for now and only interrupt when you stop and are stuck?

Or do you want me to simply keep a written note of corrections that we can review together at the end of the session?

Most people opt for the final choice.

The way your teacher/exchange partner/whoever you’re speaking with corrects you can have a huge impact on the shame in language learning that you do or don’t feel.

When those error corrections and frequent and you’re constantly interrupted, it can cause you to feel a lasting sense of shame that impacts how you show up next time.

You stop speaking so often, you stop taking risks and trying out new vocab and structures, and you simply stick to speaking in your ‘safe’ zone.

Reflected appraisals and teacher belief.

If the people involved in your language learning share their negative beliefs about your language skills with you, that can linger and become shameful.

Let’s say your teacher casually mentions one day that “For someone not gifted at languages, you do ok”.

It might seem innocent enough, but those words can easily lead to a lasting belief for yourself that “You’re not a language person”, which in turn makes you feel ashamed at your less than perfect attempts to learn and use the language.

Of course, for some of us, this sort of feedback can be received differently and treated as fuel for the fire.

An “I’ll show you” attitude can make you feel like you have something to prove. But even then, those words are still the motivator, and you’re responding that way perhaps to cover the shame in language learning you sense is there but don’t want to feel fully.

Join me at Grace & Space

At this year’s Grace & Space event, I’m teaching a whole session on this topic.

It’s called How to Move Past Shame for Confident Language Learning.

And that’s just one piece of what you get with your Grace & Space ticket.

Our topics this year are Expectations, Shame, Distractions & Seasons. You get a brand new session for each topic.

As well as that, you also get a week of Open Group Support Chat in Voxer with me, Lindsay.

This is a chance to ask your questions, learn from others & get the answers and support you need to go back to your languages with a renewed feeling of motivation, not stress. (The amount of times I’ve left a language event feeling overwhelmed and like I’m not good enough is too many! This is not that!)

Grace & Space is an annual event that I host online for language learners who want to learn languages better but don’t like the hustle of the hacks.

It’s your chance to take a moment to pause, reassess, and step back into better language learning, but with a fresh sense of self-compassion and support that will actually help you rather than stress you out.

To make things more flexible than ever for you, the sessions at this year’s Grace & Space aren’t live, so no worries about time zone translations and staying up late or getting up early.

Instead, you get access to all the Grace & Space sessions at once as well as the asynchronous Open Group Support Chat via Voxer for a whole week.

Grace & Space tickets cost just $35 USD and are available right now.