Feeling intimidated to speak another language? Here’s how to get over embarrassment and feel language confident.

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How to Get Over Embarrassment & Feel Language Confident

Speaking a foreign language is something that instantly puts us in a position of vulnerability. We’re being brave and taking a risk every time we open our mouth to speak and say something in another language. That alone is not applauded enough. It should be. Because there’s a lot that can hold us back from doing it, and therefore a lot that we typically overcome to get to that point.

In this episode, I’m going to dig into some of the biggest reasons we feel embarrassed and intimidated when speaking another language and share what we can do to get over each of them.

Please note before we begin, some of these can be long lasting and deep-rooted. This isn’t me suggesting a one-time “quick-fix” or “hack” for something that could be deeply personal. If that’s the case, please do consider seeking more personal support.

Perfectionism: Fear of Making Language Mistakes

It doesn’t matter whether it’s tripping up over pronunciation or completely fumbling a verb tense, a mistake is a mistake is a mistake. It all boils down to the same fear.

The thing that’s crazy about this is that we all make mistakes all the time when speaking our native languages! Just take a moment to replay a recent conversation in your head when you had to pause to recall a word, backtrack to correct a fluffed pronunciation, or just flap your tongue about and start again.

It happens because speaking is instant and we don’t always have masses of time in the moment to fully think about how to flawlessly articulate what we want to say.

And yes, I know what you’re thinking now – “Yeah, but my mistakes in German are different! They’re literally mistakes that mean I’ll be misunderstood!”

Well, here’s the truth – you won’t be understood if you say nothing either.

So there’s nothing to be afraid of.

How to Get Over a Fear of Making Language Mistakes

Lean in close. This one’s really good. Make more mistakes.

Fear is typically of the unknown.

So when you know that the world doesn’t end when you make a mistake (Yes, even if you’re still misunderstood), then you know you can safely make a mistake again some other time.

For years now I’ve recommended Mistake Goals as a way to help get comfy with mistakes. And I still recommend it. Because it works.

Read more here.

Fear of Judgement

It’s not just that instant response to making a mistake that can make us feel embarrassed, it’s sometimes the fear of longer-lasting judgement.

This is especially true if you’re speaking with loved ones, friends, colleagues, or anyone else you expect to have a long-lasting relationship with.

How differently will they perceive you when you get something wrong? Will they think less of you? Will they speak to you less? Argh!

How to Get Over a Fear of Judgement

In my experience, when you hold back from speaking in another language for fear of judgement, you often get judged anyway.

When I met a friend of a friend who doesn’t speak English, they mistook me for being “shy” and “quiet” because I didn’t speak much. The truth was that I couldn’t keep up with the conversation and didn’t want to keep interrupting for translation.

So how do you get over a fear of judgement? By remembering that you’ll be judged either way – whether you speak (and make mistakes!) or don’t speak at all!

Fear of Offending

Whenever you learn a language, it’s not just words, but a new set of cultural etiquette and expectations you have to learn too.

This means it’s sometimes far too easy to hold back and feel embarrassed about the fear of offending that you tie yourself in knots of intimidation.

This needn’t be the case.

How to Get Over a Fear of Offending

Much like a fear of judgement, knowing that it’s always a possibility that you may offend, combined with the knowledge that it’s typically nothing personal is helpful. If you offend someone when speaking another language, and you’re reading this on my website, then I know it was unintentional, and you should too.

That said, to help avoid getting into those risky situations in the first place, it’s useful to prepare. Read up on what not to say as well as what to say in the language. Knowing the potential pitfalls of language learners with this language is useful. You’ll less likely to fall in the bear trap if you know where it is.

Negative Past Experience

Sometimes the things we fear haven’t happened, which can (but not always) make it easier to write them off as just that – fears. Of the unknown and the potentially unlikely.

But when you’ve actually experience something, well, it makes the thought of it happening again more real, because the ‘potentially’ unlikely’ becomes ‘definitely very possible’.

How to Get Over a Negative Past Experience

Let’s say you did previously try speaking someone else’s language and they shot you down, embarrassed you, ignored you, stared at you confused as they pretended to understand nothing at all. (All of these have happened to me by the way!)

It’s important to know that these experiences are often the minority. But they feel so big that it’s like they take up more memory space and we forget all the occasions someone did respond kindly!

With that said, a useful process to try here is to think about (or write down) as many interactions you can remember that went well in another language.

If we don’t celebrate the good stuff, the bad stuff is all we remember.

Performance Pressure

Speaking another language can feel like you’re stood up on stage with the solo spotlight on you.

And actually, it is a bit of performance often. You perhaps find yourself being more expressive with your body language and gestures, even the way you say things might become more exaggerated.

And when that leaves you not feeling ‘quite’ yourself, the performance pressure can easily creep in.

How to Get Over Performance Pressure

It will sound like the last thing you want to do but hear me out…embrace the potential embarrassment.

Someone else laughing at you doesn’t hurt when you laugh first. By allowing a little self-compassion, you give yourself the freedom to make the odd mistake here and there without performance pressure blocking you from saying anything at all.

Oh, and practice.

To go back to the stage metaphor, you wouldn’t get up on stage without learning your lines or rehearsing your piano piece.

So why do you expect to speak confidently in a foreign language without practice?

How to Get Practice

The other huge factor here that will have a big impact on reducing your embarrassment and increasing your confidence when speaking another language is practice.

I know. Practice sounds boring, repetitive, hard to find time or motivation for.

You know that’s why I made Promptly, right?

Because I was bored of language practice always being the bit I’d avoid all too easily.

And I hated the feeling when I then expected to just rock up and speak without practice and…yeah, it never went well.

With your Promptly subscription, you get a brand new writing and speaking prompt every single week.

And you don’t just get the prompt itself. You also get multiple suggestions for different levels, as well as a video walkthrough for further inspiration.

So your language practice will never be boring again.

Ready to get over embarrassment and feel confident speaking another language? Join Promptly here.

How to Self-Review in Promptly

I recently added a brand new workshop recording to Promptly called How to Self-Review! Yay!

You’ll learn how to know what to review, as well as how to self-review quickly and easily.

Because, sure you can check with a teacher, exchange partner, or fluent speaker you know, but that’s not always an option.

Developing the skill of how to self-review will mean you’re never afraid of being either too critical or not critical enough again.